I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
