tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
