I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
