I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
