Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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