Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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