someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
