i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
