I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
