He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
