My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
