i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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