birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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