I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
