I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
