your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
