if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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