I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
