I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
