I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
