how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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