Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
