btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
