Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
