I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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