Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
