probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
