You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
