After last night, I could never be a politician.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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