We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
