Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
