My pussy is not your playground.
this boner is exhausting
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
