what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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