you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
