Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
