So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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