When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
