they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
