Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
