Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Randomize
