At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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