I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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