think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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