Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Lo siento on account of my penis...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
