so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
