that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
