Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
