Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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