she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
