i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
