You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Randomize
