If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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