i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
