I CAN MOONWALK!
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
