Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i think we sleep fucked last night...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
