just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
